My family came from poverty….
Fought through for privilege…. Then abandoned all… to escape communism…. My dad neglected his love… to save his kin…. My mother abandoned us… to save herself…. I was bred with no more than scraps and water…
We were a sad lot… scraping together… through war, revolution, bloodshed, tears……
I’ve survived those that should have lived long past me….
I’ve seen some death…. not enough mind you… but enough for my mind….
I’ve had my soul tormented… Love dragged through the streets…. my humility humbled….
My dignity shattered…
i’ve cried and begged to be loved….
I’ve lost my mind… overcome insanity….
fought for love on more than a few occasions….
Begged to not be forgotten more than i can remember….
Through it all… my pride was never there by my side….
The ability to ridicule myself…. my own psyche… the humor and the irony of it all….
allowed me to stand here before you….
and tell you from the bottom of my heart…
My own self humiliation and brutal escape…
Buys me the right … to laugh at you….
——————————-
This thought dawned on me today… as i was contemplating why i’m comfortable with poverty…. and illness… and the impoverished lot that has lost their sanity. I photograph homeless…. i make jokes about the mentally deranged…. i find the humor in the misery of others…. it’s not because i wish to be cruel….
quite the opposite….
I’ve been there… i’ve had to awaken on my own… without anyone’s help… doom is inevitiable… especially when you have no will or mind of your own to fall back upon… when you are alone… starving… dying… and seeing horses coming out of the ground…
As i went through this… the only thing that stopped me from slitting my wrists… jumping off a building… or ending myself and possibly others… was the dark humor i was able to muster up to keep me laughing… and going….
Being around misery, hatred, insanity, sadness, sorrow, death… has dulled my sensitivity… to where i still often make jokes… at what others find repulsive or undignified….
I don’t mean to be crude… it’s only nostalgia… of a time when i was nothing more than an animal….
Yobo chan. I’m happy that just u are here…
You will never be forgotten.There will always be someone to remember you….
@Simonne
thankyou! very kind.
@Asami
I’m also so happy to be here! party! yay! 🙂
“Being around misery, hatred, insanity, sadness, sorrow, death… has dulled my sensitivity…” quite the opposite, I would say..it made you more sensitive, only you learned to care less. But if humor is what keep you going, going where? to what destination, an inevitable doom of more “misery, hatred, sadness, sorrow, and death?” Hope not. If you have mustered the strength to laugh the the ridiculous cruelty of life, I hope that means that you haven’t lost all faith that future could be kinder and better.
@random stranger
@x… i definitely hope for the best… but that doesn’t mean it’s what always comes… best be prepared…. no point being stupid…. but im’ sure things in the end always turn out for the best…