So I’m sure I got sick…a gain… but I’m kinda ok now. Seems to be getting better. Going out to meet a friend I’ve only known online. Should be fun… meeting new people is always interesting. Especially doing it in a different country….
Last night I met one of my exes… actually… probably the ex that affected my life the most. I was with her only a few months… I think barely 3 months total. But those 3 months had the most impact in my life. They were the 3 happiest months of my life. I mean, EVERY SINGLE DAY was magical with her… every single day I was soooo happy and couldn’t wait to wake up next to her in the morning… I don’t think I’m very good at expressing hapy thoughts… so I don’t know how to write on here what I truly felt… but… believe me.. there was never a moment… in my entire life… when I was happier… than any random moment with her. You could pick the WORST day I had while with her in those three months… and it still beat 100 times any other day in my life…
So you an imagine what it meant to lose her. When we broke up… I lost myself. I crashed. I went mental. I was in a clinic and I couldn’t recover for 6 months. I still have not 100% recovered. To see her was VERY difficult. I’m happy to know she’s a new person… people change… however… it also means that… the person I remember… will never exist again.
I lost my father to death… and seeing her again last night.. made me realize… this is another person… I will never have again in my life. I was worried I could not be friends with her… but… now… actually I think I can. Because the person I met… is not the same person I was in love with.
So the good news is… I can have her in my life as a friend. Yay. But the bad part? The person that made me happy… the person that meant the MOST to me in my entire life… the person that I would gladly give my life for… just to be with again… is no longer anywhere to be found. Gone forever.
Shall I mourn another loss? As I did with my father? Ahh… but I already have. 6 years and I’m still mourning.
It’ll be interesting knowing this person from a different perspective…