Of all the emotions the mind feels… i believe FEAR is the most dynamic… and yet the most useful…
Now in the following context… the words “love” and “lover” are NOT meant as terms towards a marriage/relationship/sexual attraction/etc…they are words i’m going to use for people who are friends/partners/spouses/acquaintences… basically people who have positive emotions towards you… respect/kindness/giving/gentleness…. love. Love can come from people you just met… new people in your life… as they may share are a respect or fondness of you… it can come from anyone… as long as its a positive feeling you receive… at least in the terms i will be using it.
I want you to imagine a scene…
You’re walking down the street. You’re at the beginning of a city block. right at the corner. You wish to continue walking down this block… to the end of the block… the other corner. The street is empty.
At the end of the street is something you want… let’s say its a pretzel stand and you just GOTTA have this pretzel…
So, you walk forward, fast, steady, and determined. You have somewhere to go, and something you want.
Now… halfway down… a man comes out of a building… and stops… RIGHT in front of you, blocking your path.
Now… you want the man to move. you’re going forward… and the natural tendency for all people is to keep going forward. all energy… kinetic energy … an object in motion tends to stay in motion. So… this holds true for emotions, chemicals, feelings, thoughts, desires… etc. We mount ourselves up as we build the emotions we have…
So again… you WANT the man to move out of your way. So that you can continue on your quest for the holy pretzel. There are a few reasons the man would move… maybe he knows your going this way, and is respectful. Maybe he is attracted to you, and wants to show admiration…. maybe he is in a good mood and just wants to show kindness. or…. maybe… he is afraid, that you are twice his size, and you will walk over him if he does not move.
Now that last one… is fear. SOO many thoughts about that… but the point is… what you want,…. in that instant… is for HIM TO MOVE. Leaving you free to reach your goal.
The last thing you want… is for him to look at you… ignore you… or worse… push you back.
Of course everyone WANTS to be loved…. everyone wants to show love… everyone should love. HOWEVER, we cannot all get love all the time. So… we take what we can get. Given the choice between being forgotten or hated… i would choose hated. At least that person will not cross me…. they will not get in my way of my happiness… if they forget… they might stop me. for many reasons.
A partner who forgets… will constantly give you nuts when you are allergic. But a partner who is afraid… will NEVER make that mistake.
I’m not saying fear is healthy. its not. its not a good way to live, and to bring fear onto others will always result in them hating you. HOWEVER…. if a choice is made… and a person is no longer going to be a part of your life… then fear and hatred is a much better tool than disrespect/ignorance.
Love… takes time to build… it takes patience… caring… kindness… virtue…
Fear however… is instant. Fear is not physical… its fear of many things. loss… humility… fear of violence.. fear of arguing… fear of ignorance… fear of anything that we don’t want to happen or wish to happen but won’t.
Love is predictable…. yet uncontrollable. Love, is the myst or fog that casts a shadow over a town…. you don’t know what to wear that day, you don’t know where you’re going… you don’t know what will happen. its a long term adventure… as myst can last throughout the morning or even the whole day.
Fear is the tornado running through that same town. it comes and lasts only 10 or 20 minutes. It goes about wildly. Its UNPREDICTABLE… but you can count on it. you may not be able to control it directly, but you do have a matter of control over what it can do to you… ideally you get out of the way, and it won’t hurt you.
There was a time in my old marriage… when after love was gone… there was fear… and then the fear left. once the fear left… the fear of losing each other… THE WORST moments of my life followed. words were used by both of us… that should never be said to another. emotions were shown… greed… selfishness… hatred… loathing… that do NOTHING but bring pain and anguish. Had a BIT of fear existed… we may have spared each other from these feelings. There was even an instant… when my ex-wife lost fear of my physical size… and used words that no human being should say to another…. for fear of that person’s PHYSICAL retalliation… yet… she hurled these words at me like they were nothing.
had she kept a morsel of fear in her… bit her tongue… i would have continued to respect her… instead of doing everything i can to forget her now… and if there were ever a time of need…from her… i wonder if i would have the energy to even care.
Now let’s go back to the idea of the man walking down the street…
1) why not move out of HIS way?
already addressed.. object in motion tends to stay in motion. you have a desire and by YOU moving, you are showing kindness and love. or fear of him. either way… the point is the same… either you feel, you both feels, or he feels. the discussion is not on what’s polite or not… but the end result.
2) why would you not stop and talk tohim? maybe he’s a friend?
he may well be. but even in friendships we have goals. in any partnership… one lover give and receives… while the other mutually gives and receives. At this junction, your going to the pretzel is part of the receiving. Even as a friend… you have a goal in the larger equation. YOU MAY however ask him to join you! regardless… the point is… he is no longer in your path.
Love… well… its the best emotion. the best feeling out there. nothing beats it. it makes men die… it makes men live… it makes men do ANYTHING. That is the unpredictable part. you will do anything for the one you love.
Fear however… can be instant. I can make you afraid of me RIGHT NOW… and you will do exactly what i want you to do. there may be consequences… and realistically… i have no longer a chance to be in your life… but… the point is… RIGHT NOW WHAT I WANT… i can make you do. and… if i’ve given up hope of ever being a part of your life… then the consequences are moot points.
The jerk who grabs a girl’s ass in a club uninvited…
If he respected her … or was in love with her (not realistic upon first meeting drunk in a club)… he would not treat her in such a way. He would not bother her, waste her time, force himself into her circle, or bother her “good time” with friends.
At the same token… if he had just a BIT OF FEAR OF REJECTION OR HUMILITY… he would also not do this.
I believe this is why i’m “honest” with people. why i’m so direct in the beginning. Its not because i’m a good guy or i like to share my feelings. Its because… people who meet me… often have 2 emotions…
1) they love me and respect me
2) they fear me
I don’t mean they fear me that i will hurt them. They just… fear the anger i bring in them,… or they fear that having me in their life will just cause headaches or problems. they fear that my background is not good for them… or it may simply be a fear of complicating their lives too much to a point where they do not wish to be.
That’s fine… because, while i want people to love me… if they dont’ love me… i want them out of my life. by fearing me, not only will they leave me alone… but they wont’ make any stupid mistakes that hurt me either.
IF they disrespect me… its due to not having any fear. and that is a most unkind feeling. because…it puts fear in me. There are so many emotions and so much dread has come in the world… from disrespect… from apathy.
My father once said “The man who carried the world on his shoulders is not the man you wish to betray… he will bring a weight down upon you heavier than anything you could bear. That man is to be feared.”