So… two weeks ago I got sick… it was a mild flu. Nothing serious. Out of work for a day and back the next. Took a bit to work it off… but… 2 weeks later… all of a sudden I wake up with a fever. No sore throat … just a fever… dizzy… hot sweats… and swollen lymph glands. Must have come back… or got another virus. This past weekend I partied a bit too much and its possible my system weakened enough that I got sick again. It could be cause I slept on the floor with the windows open in my underwear? J
The reason I’m actually mentioning this is… my ex. I remember how she used to take care of me. I remember when first coming to America with her… we had no money and had so much debt…. I had to be up and interviewing… we needed a paycheck soon. Yet I had a 104 degree fever…. And shivering… we had barely any food… she put cardboard boxes under the futon where I slept to keep me elevated above the ground… washed me… took care of me. I remember how much I loved her …. How when she’d sleep… I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I’d wake up in the middle of the night… and look at her and cry because of how we argued… when all I wanted was for her to know how much I loved her.
Today… I felt so sick. And I realized she was gone. I called her many times… but I couldn’t reach her. She has her own life now. 5 years as a family just… disappeared. All the promises we made to each other… gone. All because of us being too selfish to just…. Talk. To just really tell the other how we felt.
Days like this remind me of my own impending mortality… and my father. Dying alone is truly a depressive demise.