Read this article on some basic steps to be happier… here’s how i translate this into promises i make to myself to be happier….. particularly in my recent relationship problems :
http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/how-to-be-happier-work-10-things-stop-doing.html
The things I will try to stop doing (Whether i actively do them or not… i will make a conscious effort to control and limit these) :
1) Blaming- yeah this definitely needs to stop. Sure, it takes 2 people to argue… but so what…. it’s MY unhappiness that i’m responsible for… no one else is responsible for my happiness. do i feel people should be kinder to me and respect me more? sure. but time to face it… i’m not gonna get it just by wishing. So…. do whatever the fuck i need to do to be happy by myself… it’s no one’s fault but my own if things don’t work out in life.
2) Impressing – I’ll try to stop wishing for my partner to admire and respect and want me. whether they do or not…. while it’s best if they do… i can’t force it and i can’t ask for it. not my place. they chose to be with me, and it’s on them to show that they want me.
3) Clinging – Ok… stop holding on for some dream that things will go back to the way they use to be… or that things will get better. they won’t, nothing will bring back the past, and the future will be hell. accept that and move forward.
4) Interrupting – yeah… i talk too much. listen more.
5) Whining – things suck … so be it. quit complaining about the problems i have when they really don’t matter. find a solution, ask for help, or shut up.
6) Controlling – let chaos reign a bit. things aren’t working with my hand messing everything up……….
7) Critisizing – this goes with controlling… i definitely feel the need to control, then i blame when doesn’t work, then i criticize and attack. people aren’t perfect, of course, i’m not (though close enough!) so stop expecting and telling people what they did wrong. not my place and not my business. especially my partner.
8) Preaching – man, how do you teach people how to behave, and not preach? right! stop teaching. it’s not my place. people need to be responsible for their own actions… you don’t like what they do… get out. if you can’t get out…. then change the game.. change the rules. don’t teach/preach tell people how to live their lives.
9) Dwellling – yeah… i hold grudges. forever. years. i’ll remember some comment a gf made 3 years ago and bring it up. not sure how to handle this one…. but i know it’s tough. be positive thinker? meh. sure. whatever.
10) Fearing – yes. i fear. we all fear. stop it. arguing with your partner isn’t going to kill you, your family, and end the world. if they leave you… fine… i’m alone and back to making myself happy and being selfish. do i want them to leave me? NO! but…. if it happens…. accept it.